i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
