I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
