i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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