under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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