Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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