the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
