There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
