Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
