Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
