I CAN MOONWALK!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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