Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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