I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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