he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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