I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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