I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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