I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She told me I should be a condom model.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
