I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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