My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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