My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
