i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
