watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
