So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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