this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
