Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
