I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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