How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
