Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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