Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
