At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
