I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
