I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
