We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
