my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The dick lei will go down in squad history
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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