Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
