There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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