just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
