I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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