Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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