I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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