there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
