I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
