I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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