No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
