ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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