Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
