I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
