2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
