Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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