Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
