she woke up with a sticky ear
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
