Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.

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  (504): I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now. http://tfl.nu/wc97
  Replies (8) Good night (799) Bad night (2258)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3660) Bad night (1017)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories

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  (605): I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories http://tfl.nu/0d8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4822) Bad night (723)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

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  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6475) Bad night (1506)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.

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  (403): Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed. http://tfl.nu/yrbs
  Replies (7) Good night (1036) Bad night (1674)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.

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  (314): You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head. http://tfl.nu/as38
  Replies (29) Good night (2160) Bad night (1423)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

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  (561): There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow. http://tfl.nu/9y2p
  Replies (5) Good night (2046) Bad night (713)
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  (949): View more from California

  I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library

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  (949): I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library http://tfl.nu/heel
  Replies (24) Good night (2986) Bad night (793)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.

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  (316): Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/0ujo
  Replies (24) Good night (639) Bad night (1789)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor

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  (780): i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor http://tfl.nu/zkix
  Replies (3) Good night (1036) Bad night (542)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league

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  (973): I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league http://tfl.nu/mvb2
  Replies (2) Good night (1368) Bad night (435)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You have to summon your inner elephant

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  (206): You have to summon your inner elephant http://tfl.nu/wpzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1040) Bad night (495)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.

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  (612): We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door. http://tfl.nu/fjm6
  Replies (2) Good night (834) Bad night (391)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "

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  (217): He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick " http://tfl.nu/w39y
  Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (341)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night

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  (903): The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night http://tfl.nu/e4l5
  Replies (4) Good night (566) Bad night (281)

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