I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.