All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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