the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i dont even know how to be here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything