Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?

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(209): View more from California

is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.

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(206): View more from Washington

Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.

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(773): View more from Illinois

We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.

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(281): View more from Texas

Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap

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(361): View more from Texas

I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Ew! He's just a child!

(361): View more from Texas

AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Help everyone's hot

(410): View more from Maryland

Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot

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(310): View more from California

Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.

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