I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
