If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
barbara walters just said penis...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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