You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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