I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
