Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
