Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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