my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
