i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
