I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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