Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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